Once in a Life

 

Once in a life...someone enters it. 

You never think twice...as they enter it. 

Somehow you know...as the relationship grows.

That they were supposed to be there.  

No matter the time...the time he was mine...

He was supposed to be there. 

++++++++++++++++++++++

On May 16, 2022...I had a vivid, memorable dream about an old boyfriend...my favorite boyfriend from my one year of college at Colorado State.  The dream was so real and believable...and you know when you dream about someone...they stay in your head for awhile?  

On May 17, 2022 I heard on the news that Vangelis...the composer of the theme from 'Chariots of Fire' had died.  This song reminded me of this boyfriend - Greg, because we went to this movie together in 1982.  So, it was the fact that this composer died...and that I'd had that vivid dream about Greg...that I decided to Google him...just to see if there was anything new posted.  Oh, I had Googled Greg many, many times...but, he was not on social media it seemed.  No Facebook.  Not many articles.  I had only found one picture that was taken at his work (bank executive) and also had seen that his mother passed away in 2018.  I did figure out he had two sons and could see them on Facebook.  And his sisters.  Yes, I was a stalker!  No...I was just interested in this wonderful guy from my past. 

So I Googled him on May 18th...and had the shock of my life thus far.  The first thing that popped up was his obituary.  

He was Gregory Wayne Grenard.  He was born on a Monday, April 1, 1963.  He died on a Monday, April 25, 2022.  He was 59, 3weeks and 3 days old. Mutual friends told me he died of Covid complications.

My dream was about us being together was that we were at some sort of event...maybe a dance...and I told him,  "I really like you Gregory Wayne Grenard".  And then he told me, "I really like you Jody Olsen".  But, then along came another gal and they started dancing together. And it was like I knew it was what he was supposed to do! Now...if you don't think I believe this dream was a visit from him from beyond...then, I don't know what to say!  I think it was him visiting me to tell me one last time, that he did like me...but, had to be with someone better for him.  And in my dream, I understood.  Of course when I dreamed this on May 16th...I had no idea he had passed from this earth...so, I just thought it was a strange dream out of the blue about a guy from my past!  But, when I found his obituary two days later...not only was I in shock that he had died...but, that I'd just had this dream!  And I was thoroughly convinced it WAS him visiting me...telling me what he needed to say.  It was him!!

Now, it's been a year since he passed...and I still cry.  It hit me very hard.  Not only due to his age...not only due to him being the best boyfriend I EVER had (three failed relationships...nothing but bad luck with men after this one!)...but, also because we didn't have closure.  I regret EVERY DAY that I didn't try to contact him later in life.  Just to be in touch.  Just to be friends.  I should have done that.  I knew where he was, where he worked.  And since he was married...he could never reach out to me (of course I'll never know if he ever even thought of me!!).  But, if he had ever wanted to...he couldn't.  He didn't know where I was...I mean...I was a world traveler (literally) the last he knew.  But, I could have contacted him.  I could have!  I should have!  And that's my regret.  So, I talk to him a lot...speak to the sky...tell him things I wish I could have on earth.  I tell him about my life...the utter failures, the pain.  Some good.  He had so much good in his life.  So much to live for!!  Happily married, beautiful family...successful career!  So much.  I am so proud of him. But so sad he had to go.

I've taken this year to reflect on our relationship...as short-lived as it was.  But, it meant so much to me.  I've pondered what I did wrong. What could I have done differently ? Why didn't the good ones stick around?  Or was it all part of the plan? Did it all turn out as it was 'meant to be'?

September, 1981 - I had decided after taking a year off after graduation and working full time at a bank...to go to college after all.  I had many friends in the class behind me (Class of 81) and got an apartment with my good friend Jill from that class.  I had been madly in love with a guy two years ahead of me who also went to CSU and was majoring in Animal Science.  He was very much into the cattle industry and told me we had to break up because I didn't know enough about cows! Well, I decided to tap into my living on a farm upbringing and take a course in Agriculture - perhaps to major in that.  "I'll show him"...I thought!  

So, one of my first semester classes was Intro to Agriculture.  I walk in and there was a friend from my high school Class of 81...Tim.  So, of course I sat by him (when I spoke to him recently, he said he wondered why on earth I was in an Intro to Ag class...but, it was because of that dumb ex boyfriend!  And I did have an interest in the farming biz cuz of my life...although I would soon learn that it really wasn't for me...).

Next to my friend Tim was this very cute guy.  He introduced us.  His name was Greg Grenard. So we three sat together every class...and soon Intro to Ag became my favorite subject!!!  I had an inkling that Greg liked me as much as I liked him.  But I didn't know his situation...was there a girlfriend, what's his story?  Well, I guess through the course of the course I found out he did have a girlfriend back home...home being the very small town in southeastern Colorado...Swink.  What the, where the...I'd never heard of it!  But, I soon learned as much as I could about Swink, Colorado.  A small farming community near La Junta and near the biggest city in that area...Lamar.  I'd never been there.  His town was so small...he said he had about 30 people in his high school graduating class?  He was class president.  Of course he was!!

As I got to know Greg...I realized I've got to know Greg!!  I had a job in the once burgeoning Foothills Mall at a western store (of course I did...to go along with my 'cowgirl' lifestyle!!!).  He knew I worked there...and I'll never forget one night he was walking through the mall...but, poked his head in to say hi as I was at the front cashier position.  That was it.  Just a hi.  Swoon!  As I watched him walk away...I'll never forget him turning back around to see if I was looking I guess (cuz I was!)...and I dropped whatever I was doing like a clutz...cuz gosh...he was so cute!  I'll always remember that look as he turned around.  Honestly, he was almost like a 'rock star' to me!!!  I had to make a move on him (ala Olivia Newton John's song 'Make a Move on Me' ... 1982).  So as Xmas break approached and the class was nearing its end...I arranged for me and my roommate Jill and our mutual friend Tim and Greg to all have a Xmas, 'goodby for now' lunch!  That's a good memory...Sirloin Stockade on College (now long gone of course).  But, before all this happened...I had another interesting thing happen in my life. 

October 24, 1981 - I had been hearing a song on the radio that I really liked..."Jessie's Girl".  I knew the singer was Rick Springfield and he was also on the newly popular (yet old) soap opera...'General Hospital'.  It had become a cultural phenomenon in 1982.  The characters of Luke and Laura were so popular and General Hospital - or GH as fans called it - became a huge hit.  And there was also a character named Noah Drake...played by none other than this singer-cum-actor...Rick Springfield.  So, since I liked his song so much, I decided I needed to check out General Hospital (a soap I'd watched with my Grandmother years earlier).  I had a break during lunch hour when it was on TV so, I'd head home to watch.  I remember the first time seeing Rick Springfield and thinking he had a big nose (he kinda does??).  So, I really wasn't that impressed.  Still, I became enthralled with the show again and you know how easy it is to get 'hooked' on soap operas and their ongoing drama! 

So during this time there was a very popular show on Saturday nights called 'Solid Gold'.  I had read that Rick would be on it the evening of October 24, 1981 performing his new song, "I've Done Everything For You".  It was a cold Saturday night...my roommate was not going to be home...and I decided I would make a night of watching TV, specifically this program to see this singer!  Remember, this was in the very beginning of MTV days...and my roommate and I didn't have cable (in fact back then, who did??! So 'Solid Gold' was one of the few ways to see our musical acts. Well, I watched him perform and BAM!  Something happened.  I was IN LOVE!  The way this man looked and how he performed...well, he just put a spell on me!  Really, sometimes I wondered if that was what it was (now this Rick story here DOES pertain to Greg...but, for more specifics on my very varied history I have with Rick Springfield...you'll have to see my other posts.)! 

My whole existence became about Rick Springfield...his music, his concerts...albums, photos, posters on my wall.  I was obsessed!  And with this love of Rick...I re-discovered my own dreams of being a singer and actress.  Yes, I had acted in high school plays and always sang along with the radio (I couldn't be in chorus in high school because my mom had me play clarinet and you couldn't do both band and chorus at my school).  But, I knew I could sing. It was my dream from a little girl.  So, during Xmas break...I shifted from wanting to be a 'cowgirl' to wanting to be a 'showgirl'!  And just like that...I switched all my classes from Ag to Theater for the second semester.

2nd Semester, January 1982 - I still had my mind set on Greg.  What to do?  Well.......since I had originally registered for the classes to continue with my Ag major...I knew where and when the classes would be on my original schedule.  And I figured out that Greg would be going to those classes.  So, I basically knew his schedule!  And guess what...one of my new classes was in a room right before and right next to one of his classes.  So, I did a little sneaky thing...I sat outside the room in between my class and his class...so, when he just 'happened' to walk by I said "Greg, fancy seeing you here!!".  Yes, it was sneaky.  But, yes...it WORKED!!!  It became our 'meeting place' all semester long.  Man...I think that was the hardest I ever tried to get a guy!!!!

As Valentines Day approached...I remember he told me he needed to go back home for the weekend for some reason.  He was being vague and a little sneaky about it. When I saw him after his trip home he informed me that he broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to date ME!!!!  Since it was Valentines Day...he asked me to a dance at his dorm (the now renamed Green Hall) and also to a formal dance at the Fraternity he was going to join, Farmhouse.  I was thrilled!  Got a new dress (purple angora with a purple suede leather jacket).  It was the best Valentines of my life!  TWO dates.  Friday night we danced the spotlight grind (a la "Freeze Frame" by J. Geils Band - Spring of 82 - which became 'our' song!).  I know he knew I loved the song "Freeze Frame" and I remember when it came on at the dance...he said, "It's your song!"...and we danced and danced the spotlight grind!!! do dee loo deedo

Saturday night was formal...and we got very dressed up.  That was where I wore my purple outfit and he wore his baby blue suit coat from his Sr portrait and crushed velvet dark blue or black pants...and yes, those come into play later.  He brought Riunite Red Wine for pre-date drinking (cheap stuff...and my first time drinking red wine!)...and it turned my teeth purple (and yes, red wine still does that to me!)  But hey... it matched my outfit!!

We had dinner at the recently closed, very popular Caninos Italian on College.  Then to the dance at Farmhouse.  Memories of this are vague (probably due to the Riunite!).  But, I do know it was fun and I was proud to be with this special guy!  He did join this fraternity and lived there with Tim and other good friends throughout his college years.  Every time I pass by I say hi as I know part of his spirit is there! We had a little make out session back at the apartment.  I had a sheepskin rug and yes...it shed a lot.  Between my angora dress and the sheepskin wool...those crushed velvet pants were simply covered in 'hair' as he got up to leave! Oh my...such a memory.  We laughed and laughed. 

We carried on our crazy 82 love affair (a la "65 Love Affair" by Paul Davis - another song from spring of 82)...for the remainder of the semester.  Dinners, movies, a CSU basketball game were some of our dates.  Also washing his truck at the local car wash (brown and tan Ford F50 circa 1980??) and hearing Rick's new 'rock' song "Calling All Girls" and him saying, "he's talking to you!".  But, I must admit...I felt a 'change' in his demeanor towards me after his trip home for Spring Break (did he 'make up' with old girlfriend?).  He just started acting distant.  I got an awful job at KFC (you never saw so much grease!)...and I was too embarrassed to tell him!  I met some great guys in my Theatre classes...and they kinda liked me...but, all l could ever talk about was Greg!  Once one of them asked..."where is this Greg? Why don't we ever see him with you?".  Good question.  Oh we continued our meetup by his class every day (or whenever the classes were...I can't remember).  We had one more fling before he headed home for the summer. A crazy night that he managed to bring some Everclear punch to my apartment!!  

Before he left...we met to say goodbye...and I had just put a 3rd pierced ear hole in my left ear.  Oh my goodness...you'd think I'd gotten a nose ring (by comparison a 3rd hole is soooooo benign compared to today's fads!!).  He told me to take it out!  And I said, "NO...I like it!"  So, maybe that was it?  We were too different?  He knew it.  Maybe I knew it too.  So, I prepared for my move to LA for the bright lights, big city!!  

Fall of 1982 - I was still in Fort Collins.  I had spoken to Greg by phone throughout the summer.  I guess by this time we had become 'just friends'...enough so that we could still have great conversations.  He was interested in my decision to move. I'm sure he thought it was crazy...but, was interested nonetheless.  We had a goodby dinner at the long gone ChiChi's here which was by the now almost non-existent mall (now when the Coopers or Goldbergs on TV eat at ChiChi's it takes me right back!).  But, I was off to my land of dreams.  And he was off...to live his 'normal life'.  

Greg continued his college education.  He lived in Farmhouse.  I visited him once in 1983 and went to a dance there with him one last time...wearing my 'new wave' garb...funky clothes and black patent leather pumps!  And I clearly remember dancing to "Should I Stay or Should I Go" by the Clash.  Such fun...but, to a group of farm boy Ag majors...who knows what they thought!  I must have looked like the crazy gal from LA!  I was!!! But, Greg was gracious and kind.  That was our last dance.

We did continue to communicate.  He was one of the first people I called when upon moving to LA and I got to meet my idol, Rick Springfield on the set of my beloved General Hospital!  Such a great dream come true for me.  He was happy for me.  And I had many more great Rick things happen to me (again...to be written in other posts)...but, life was just so-so there.   I really didn't like my roommate at the time...so in 1984...after a year and a half there...I decided I should move home and 'try' to get him back. I did move home.  I didn't get him back.  

He was just finishing up his Jr year.  We met in a park on the swings.  And that's where he told me he'd met someone else.  He also told me he was going to the Billy Idol concert (he loved him...so, yes I plan to go see him in concert here this fall in Greg's honor!!).  But, there it was!  The cat was out of the bag.  He had someone else.  That was devastating!  But what could I do??   Since nothing came along at home for me and Greg was taken...I decided to go back to my old job at the law firm in LA.  So no Greg...no Colorado.  Back to LA I go!!!!!

But, I didn't give up totally. I still called him.  I can remember when long distance calls actually cost...so I'd make the calls to him from the law firm. On their dime!!!  My bad?!?  Anyway... I know I had always begged him to come visit me in LA.  So, to my amazement and joy...he planned a visit during his Sr year Xmas break!!!! I can't wait...I can't wait (a la "Make a Move on Me" - Olivia).  

January, 1985 - He flew into the Burbank Airport.  I picked him up in my 1972 El Camino (man I wish I still had that car!!!)...but, at that time it was kind of a piece of junk! Anyway...I feel like we did so many things in those 3 days he was with me.  I drove him EVERYWHERE that was special to me.  So, that meant all the studios, by Rick's house (of course) and the gorgeous views from the hills of Burbank.  We had a lovely dinner in those hills at my favorite restaurant there...The Castaway.  We spent an afternoon at Universal Studios.  And we tried to get into a taping of the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson!  But, we didn't get in line in time and didn't make the cut!  Bummer.  But, they said there was a new show that we could go see being taped.  It was called 'Sara' and was starring a 'new' actress, Geena Davis!  So, we got to see a future Academy Award winning actress in a show!  It was raining and I remember my old car 'smoking' while we were driving and I was so worried that we'd breakdown somewhere.  Greg said it would be ok.  Always a calm, stable man...that one.  It was his greatest trait.  I read on a Facebook page that there was a 'dilemma' in their family...and someone wrote that Greg had said, "everything will be ok".  And I just thought, ya...that's Greg!!!

On Facebook I did learn of his wonderful family.  Three great kids.  One grandchild.  He should have lived to have a dozen more! His two sons followed in his footsteps and went to CSU and belonged to Farmhouse.  I'm sure that was such an honor to him.  

Back to 1985...he returned home of course. And I remained smitten...yet still in LA.  He finished his degree.  I decided to travel with a Christian singing group and travel to Europe and Western Africa that summer.  Such different lives.  I sent him a graduation gift.  I'm not sure if he got it.  Or cared.

But, we did stay in touch...and I returned home again in 1986 to help take care of my grandparents. Greg had graduated and gotten a job back in his home area of  Lamar at a bank.  He was living on a farm in a neighboring small town of Wiley.  My dad was involved with Crop Insurance...so, that year he was going to go to Lamar for a conference for this job.  Well...I decided I would go with my dad and that would give me a chance to visit Greg!! I'd never been to the area he was born and raised in.  I was so excited!  

Dad and I stayed at the Cow Palace...the 'big' hotel in Lamar at the time.  Quite 'fancy'...with the pool in the middle...remember those??? It was a Norovirus incubator I'm sure!!!!!  Anyway...Greg took me to a steak place for dinner and we visited his little house.  Again, I was always stylin...and I remember I wore my HOT pink jump suit with the late 80's big hair and big earrings!!!  Imagine...being in Lamar and Wiley, Colorado looking like that??  Oh my...people probably thought, "what the heck is that!!".  But, I mean..I looked GOOD!!!  But, there was the writing on the wall again...me - this wild girl..a farmer's wife??  Probably not.  I'm sure that's what Greg thought too. 

I stayed in Colorado through 1987.  That spring my old high school was in a baseball tournament game with Lamar high school in Lamar.  So, a friend and I drove there to see 'it'...but, it was really to see 'him'.  I thought if he knew I was there...he'd come see me?  I called.  He was busy.  Of course I said I was really there to see the game (when I was really only there to see him)...to 'save face'.  But very disappointed.  I think I saw him one last time in 1987 at a Greeley bar.  I just saw him walk into this busy bar...with a group of friends...and a girl.  His girl.  Maybe his future wife?  I grabbed him and said hi...but, it was uncomfortable (duh) and I just said it was good to see him and I moved on with my beer and cigarette in hand (yes...embarrassing...I tried to shove the unlit cigarette in my pocket before he could see it!).  I was bleach blonde, still stylin...and in a bar with my girlfriend (no other man for me...).  There really was never any other man for me.  

I don't think I spoke to him after this.  I finally realized he had moved on. We lost touch.  I don't even know when he got married.  l moved on to a very complicated, very troubled life.  I did plan a wedding in the summer of 1989...and for some inexplicable reason I sent him an invitation (maybe wanted him to see I did find a man??).  But, this man I found was HORRIBLE and entered my life in a weird, wrong way and sadly convinced me to marry him.  Right before this wedding was supposed to happen...I caught him doing drugs (I'd always suspected it...he told me I was crazy!).  It was awful...but, I canceled the wedding.  So embarrassing.  I remember I TYPED out letters to say it was canceled (there was enough time to get those in the mail)...and yes, I sent one to Greg.  What he must have thought??

I don't recall communicating with him ever again.  Maybe I did.  I'm not sure.  I know I had written him a letter on our 20th anniversary in 2002 telling him of my undying love.  I wrote on the envelope...please give to Greg when I die.  Yes, I really thought I would die first for some reason. But of course he never saw it.  It's around here somewhere.  I don't know where things are since I moved in 2018.  

Also in 2018...I learned that his mother passed away (both my parents died in 2016).  I was going to send him a card.  I never did.  Oh how I regret that. Why didn't I???  Was it because I figured he never cared enough about me?  Is it because no old boyfriends wrote me when my parents died?  Maybe.  Shouldn't have mattered. I should have sent it.  Oh how I regret that.  

In February, 2022 I was actually thinking of sending him a 'Valentines' card to acknowledge our '40th anniversary'.  But, I didn't.  I wrote my best friend at the time and told her about him...and said to her..."I have no idea if he ever thinks of me".  And I thought "probably not".  I did not send a card.  I would have sent it to his work.  But, I guess I'm kind of glad I didn't do that...because little did I know that he was in a hospital at that time...fighting for his life!  If I had sent a card then...it surely would have been intercepted by his wife...and that might have been uncomfortable for everyone.  But, I do wish I'd known he was sick...as I certainly, CERTAINLY would have sent him a get well card at the very least.  But, no one told me.  I was a blip in his life.  Nothing to see here. Or remember?  I'll never know.

My only hope now is that he'll visit me occasionally in my dreams.  Like he did after he died.   Honestly, I had NEVER dreamed about him until that night.  He visited me.  I truly, TRULY believe that.  I have had a few more dreams about him.  Not as vivid. But it's always nice to 'see' him.  If I get another chance at life (who knows...maybe...?)...I know what I'll do.  Greg...the next life...I will fight for you!  I will even take out my 3rd earring!!!

From my Facebook sleuthing...I can see he had a good life.  As for my life...it hasn't been good.  Actually pretty awful.  Drank too much (Greg's fault with the Riunite and Everclear punch??...).  No, it's all been my own damn fault.  Some bad luck.  Some bad choices.  Many bad options! I wish I had kept in touch with Greg...he might have been able to impart some wisdom and knock some sense into me!  I certainly could have used his wise, calm judgement.  I wish I could have told him about my 'small' successes...ie, getting my degrees finally.  Owning a home.  Being married once to a successful man.  My singing (why didn't I send him one of my CDs?)...and theatrical performances. But, are all my failed relationships because I could never find another man like him?  Why can't I find a man like that?? (a la Rick Springfield - "Jessie's Girl"!). 

Speaking of Rick Springfield and "Jessie's Girl"...(which I sing with the lyrics of Gregory's Girl! BTW...I will have to do an addendum post with ALL the songs I've inserted Greg's name into!!)...but, I have some solace in knowing that every time Greg heard that song...he probably thought of me.  He had to have!!!  And that makes me smile.  

I also had a revelation this last year upon contemplating Greg's passing.  I met Greg in September of 1981.   I 'fell' for Rick Springfield in October of 1981.  Who came first?  Greg!  After 'falling' for Rick and putting pics all over my room...I remember thinking...Greg kind of looks like Rick!  He had the same facial structure, features...and just kind of reminded me of him.  So now...41 years later...I think I 'get' why I fell so hard for Rick Springfield.  I was actually falling for Greg!  Seeing Rick sing on that fateful night and falling madly in love...was really me 'seeing' this cute guy from my Ag class singing like a rock star!!  Is that crazy?  Well, it's true.  I didn't love Rick Springfield...oh, I did...I loved his music and it really got me through a LOT in my life.  But, in reality...I was falling for Greg Grenard.  HE was my rock star.  I just didn't know it!  And since I couldn't 'keep' Greg...I moved to LA to chase my dreams of Rick! (no, I did NOT go out there thinking I'd be with Rick...but I wanted to BE like Rick...a singer and actor).  I just found this realization to be profound.  I sure wish I could have told Greg this.  He would have laughed.

He was my once in a life.  My 82 love affair.

~ If I could go back again...I know I'd never let you go... 

~ If I could go back in time...well I know somehow you'd still be mine.

    I wouldn't be so blind...to that wonderful...65 (82) love affair...

    Rock n roll was simple and clear...oh I can still hear...I can hear it baby...

    Do whop diddy whop ... diddy whop do.   

~ If I could go back again...well I know our love would never end...

    Back with all of my friends...to that wonderful...65 (82) love affair 

                                                ~ Paul Davis, "65 Love Affair ", 1982

 file:///C:/Users/Owner/Music/Unknown artist/Unknown album (9-30-2020 4-36-11 PM)/05 Track 5.mp3

My Buddy

 

My Buddy…a tribute:

This little dog entered my life in August of 2017.  I was walking down Pearl Street in Boulder with a friend and there was a pet shop that we entered.  In this shop, they also had a dog rescue.  We started talking to the owner and she asked if I wanted a dog.  I explained that since my precious border collie, Harley had died two years earlier…I hadn’t wanted another one and still wasn’t ready for one.  But, she asked IF I were ready…what would I want?  I said I would want a smaller dog and an older dog that is trained and well-behaved.  She immediately thought of this guy.  She only had a picture and his name was ‘Bo’…which happened to be the nickname of my long-time BF that I had lost around the same time as my other dog.  I saw that as a ‘sign’ for some reason!

I said I would think about it.  She said I could just foster it and see how it goes.  So, the next week I decided to do that…to foster him.  I had never seen him…just a picture.  So, I met the gal who had been fostering him at the store (the store had saved him from a kill shelter in Houston and this gal fostered him for a week)…and she hands me this little mangy looking guy with crooked teeth sticking out…and off she goes!  Well, I went into the store to fill out the paperwork…and it said I had ownership for $95 (with the amount $495 crossed out!).  I asked why I had to pay to foster a dog.  And the young gal who was there that day said…”oh, you’re not fostering him…you’re adopting him!”.  Then, I asked why it was $95 instead of $495…and she said he was a discount because he was so old and nobody wanted him!! 

Well, that was it.  I figured how bad could it be for $95!?!  He became ‘mine’ on a Sunday afternoon in Boulder, Colorado, August 13^th, 2017.  My friend and I walked around Pearl Street with him…and everyone who saw him said…”Hey, little Buddy”…so, that became his name.  Officially: Buddy Bo Olsen.

The pet shop had arranged a visit to a vet as part of the adoption…so, off we went in my Dad’s old Buick to Denver to the vet they recommended.  This vet determined he was around 8 to 10 years old…and that his teeth needed looked at.  He also walked funny so they took x-rays of his hind quarters.  After half a day of leaving him there…out comes my dog with a bloody nose and shaking…they pulled ALL his teeth!  My new dog was toothless!  Also, there was nothing wrong with his legs…he just walked ‘funny’. 

So, this was it…me and my dog go home to Greeley to live with my Kikki Kat…who I thought would love having another dog around…as she loved all the other dogs I’d had around her.  But, NOOOOO…the cat did NOT like this dog.  Constantly hissing at it and acting very unhappy to have it around!  I don’t know if it was due to the size of Buddy…or just the fact that this was the CAT’S house…and no one new was allowed (all the other dogs I’d had were there before her!)…or the fact that he was half blind and couldn’t see her and ran into her all the time??   So, I decided it wasn’t fair to do this to my long-time cat and was going to take him back and say it wasn’t working out.  But, my friend knew someone who also had a dog rescue and she wanted him.  So, I took him to this woman.  She lived in a trailer with a bunch of other dogs.  I knew right away that Buddy loved walking…well, this lady was old and didn’t walk the dogs.  She also said she wasn’t going to place him but wanted to keep him because he was so ‘special’.  Well, I left him there one night…and after that night…I thought…I can’t leave him with her!  Whether the cat likes it or not…he’s coming back!  Til the very end…my cat’s never seemed to like him…but, boy has she been looking for him now!! 

My dog…my little Buddy was with me for 3 years, 3 months and 15 days until he suddenly just couldn’t walk on one of our walks around the mall.  I didn’t think too much of it…hoping it was just a fluke.  I took him home and he got worse very quickly and couldn’t stand or even go to the bathroom that night.  He was still eating and drinking well…but since he couldn’t go to the bathroom,  that was not necessarily a good thing. 

We got through the night and to the vet first thing in the morning.  She was already concerned about him and thought it might be time to go.  Of course, I couldn’t bear that thought and wanted a second opinion.  The 2^nd vet agreed.   I could have spent lots of time and money with him in the hospital…but, I did not want him to suffer through all that.  So, we made it through one more night…but, by Friday morning, December 4^th  I could tell it was time to consider my options.  I had a nice vet here who kindly took him and made all the arrangements for a peaceful transition for him to cross the Rainbow Bridge. 

He left me on Friday, December 4^th at approximately 3:00 pm.  And just like that my angel was gone. 

I wanted to write this out and also write a little about this guy.  First of all…he WAS an angel…and I believe sent to me by my parents in Heaven.  In fact, I could just hear my mom saying to my Dad…”Dale we’ve got to give her something to love”!  The serendipitous way that I just walked into that shop…how that woman was cognizant that he’d be a good one for me…even that his name was ‘Bo’ and how that seemed like a ‘sign’…and then when they messed up and said…’Oh…you’re adopting him”…well, it all just seemed like it was ‘meant to be’.

This dog was so perfect in so many ways.  He was so well-behaved…so loving…he loved everyone and everyone loved him.  If you were lucky enough to have ever met him…you know what I mean.  After his teeth were pulled…his little tongue hung out of his mouth.  It was so cute!  Having no teeth never stopped him from eating!  What a little piggy he was.  Mom was a spoiler too (would have been with real kids too!).  I’m sure I fed him too much…and he got ‘stout’ (just like his mom??).  But, I always thought he was ‘ok’.  I sure hope that didn’t lead to his legs going bad…maybe it did.  But, I just always wanted him to be happy!!

Some of his quirks…included…his gait.  As I said, they always thought his legs were ‘bad’ and that something was wrong…but, one day at the dog park…he was walking next to a French Bull Dog…and they had the exact same hind quarters and the same gait!  So, I always thought he was part ‘Bull Dog’.  In fact, after all this time and never really knowing what breed or mix he was…it was just the other day at the dog park (his favorite dog park was the one at the old Fort Collins High School…off of Peterson and Lake) that a gal told me that she thought he was a ‘Schnoodle’…part Schnauzer, part Poodle.  So, I looked it up and I think that’s what he was!  Finally, I learned…a Schnoodle!!!  And if you look it up…it says they look like a living Teddy Bear.  That’s what he was…my little stuffed bear come to life!!  Oh how I adored that dog…

He rubbed his face in blankets…always loved rubbing his face…especially after eating for some reason…like he was rubbing his whiskers clean!?!  He also loved ‘digging’ at the floor or a rug for some reason.  It was like he needed to ‘dig at it’ to get it ready for him to lie down somewhere. 

He loved peas!  He’d eat canned peas (of course the ones without salt!).  It was one of his favorite things…along with carrots, green beans and the occasional jicama!  He was a picky, quirky eater.  Rotisserie chicken from Sprouts was a favorite too... and it was his last meal. 

Along with the dog park…we loved walking around the CSU trial gardens there at Remington and Lake. And one thing I will always remember was not only how much he loved the dog park and visiting the other dogs there…but, how he had to visit EVERY person at the dog park and make sure they saw him and petted him.  He loved the people as much as the other dogs there.  On our last visit there the Monday before he died…he ran…yes, ran with the other dogs.  I’ll never forget it. 

 He lived with me in three places…starting in Greeley.  He went through some traumatic things there with me there that some of you know about! L But, also including a move to Fort Collins and into our favorite house…an old charmer,  near Old Town just north of the CSU campus.  That was his longest residence.  Oh…how he loved that house…the big yard that he could dig in…and the fenced in front yard where he could bark at and run up to the dogs walking by!  Then a move to a not-so-great condo…but, still got used to it and had a little fenced in area that was ‘his’.  He was always ready for a walk.  Always ready for bed…just when I said it…he’d follow me in to the room.  I always had to lift him…whether into the bed or into the car.  Oh…the car.  What a buddy he was for me in my car.  He rode with me EVERYWHERE…well, that is whenever I ‘had’ a car…Dad’s Buick, my Lyft rental cars, my friend’s car that he let me use…or my wonderful ‘new’ car that I finally was able to get!  Thankfully, I got our favorite car…a Lexus SUV…for his last few months on earth and it was perfect for him to ride in the back.  He rode with me on Lyft rides, delivery jobs, trips to Denver and Palmer Lake to see my cousins.  He was my riding buddy.  I can barely get into my car now without him…wondering where he was.  It’s just not the same anymore.  One of our last outings was a regular trip to Sonic…where we’d sit together and eat…I’d get him a Jr. cheeseburger.  He loved our rides.

Lastly, he got to spend many days with my dear friend Carol at her house…who at 90 years old…was gracious enough to allow me to bring him there.  He was a joy to her and she was good to him.  I’m so grateful that he brought her joy…doing all of those quirky things…rubbing his face on her bed runner…digging on the carpet (bad dog!)…and giving her unconditional love.  He would eat his peas for dinner…sit by the table and have a few scraps (mostly carrots and healthy things!).  He was never a pest or problem...oh occasionally he’d always be laying right where she needed to walk!  And the walks there …oh…he loved walking in her neighborhood so much.  I’m so grateful for this time we had there.  One more cute thing I’ll never forget…is how it was late at night when I’d leave her house…and I’d have to wake him up to get him home.  When we arrived home…my kitty kikki was always there to come up to my car to greet us.  She’d try to love on Buddy…he just really didn’t know what to make of her!?! 

My angel is in heaven now. I am not able to understand why he had to go…especially now at Christmas.  That dog was my everything…my best friend and constant companion.  I almost took a Thanksgiving trip and was trying to find someone to take care of him.  But, honestly, I didn’t want to leave him…not even for a few days.  I’m so glad now that I didn’t.  He and I had a nice turkey dinner together.  And I’m so glad that due to this virus…I was able to spend so much time with him here at home.  Even though he slept most of the time…we were together… a lot.  It meant the world to me to have that time with him. 

My mother recorded some of her piano playing a few years ago before she passed.  One song she included was ‘My Buddy’…an old standard written in 1922.  I never heard mom play it very much…so, when I realized she had recorded it…I was surprised…and thought…oh, you did this for my dog!  Now, it takes on a whole new meaning and bittersweet feeling.  I lost ‘My Buddy’.  Oh, please be there in heaven with my parents, grandparents and my other dogs for me…PLEASE…

 

 

MY BUDDY:

Nights are long since you went away

I think about you all through the day

My Buddy, My Buddy

Nobody quite so true.

 

I miss your voice, the touch of your hand

I long to know that you understand

My Buddy, My Buddy.

Your buddy misses you.

I miss you…

 

 

Rick Springfield concerts (and events) - 11/1/81 to 1987.

Since I'm going to his concert tomorrow night...I thought I would chronicle my many times I've seen Rick Springfield.  Here goes...

1. November 1, 1981 - Rainbow Music Hall, Denver,  Colorado.  I was 19 years old.  I had fallen in love with him after seeing him on 'Solid Gold' on October 24th of that year.  I bought his album and Rocky Mountain Records (the classic 'Working Class Dog') and after playing it over and over and over...I told my best friend and roommate, Jill Kindsfater that we had to go to this.  It was a Sunday night.  I remember we ate somewhere in Denver...(we didn't drink because we were too young...19!!)then, got to the venue and stood outside.  While standing in line...his van drove right by us...and I saw him inside!  I was thrilled!!  It was a small venue.  Our seats were not very close.  But, I thought it was the greatest! 

2. August 15, 1982 - Red Rocks, Morrison, Colorado.  Well, this was a VERY eventful day (and the night before!  See my blog 'Rick Rocks Red Rocks!'). Jill and I went again...and it was quite an ordeal...but, the bottom line is we made it and sat front and center!  The Greg Kihn Band opened for him.  Awesome concert!!!  Jill said we snuck in little liquor bottles.  But, I don't remember drinking too much. 

*November 16, 1982, General Hospital Set, Hollywood.  Have to include this...one week...ONE WEEK after I moved to LA...I met a star of General Hospital.  She invited me to the set.  I got to see the rehearsal of GH...got autographs of all the stars...and did eventually meet my idol...RICK! And I got his autograph!   I was so thrilled.  Just amazed!!!!  I'll write a blog about this soon...it's quite an amazing story!!!  I got his autograph but not a picture...I didn't bring a camera because I was trying to not look like a 'fan'...so no pic...:(

*May 16, 1983, Los Angeles Sports Arena, filming of 'Hard to Hold'.   Another great experience with him.  A great story that I will blog about soon as well.  Just unbelievable that I was able to be an extra in his movie.  Also unbelievable that I was placed in the front row right by the stage!!!! 12 hours with Rick singing 'Stand Up' and 'Love Somebody'...about 100 takes.  Exhausting...but an absolute dream come true.  I got his autograph here too.

* 1983...my friend Jayne tells me her handyman is also Rick's!  So, she knows his address.  I find his house in Toluca Lake, California!  I see his Ford Fiesta out front.  I drive by all the time... 

3.  Numerous nights in September, 1983 at Universal Amphitheater, Los Angeles.  I had moved to LA in October of 82.  Rick's album, 'Living in Oz' was released in the spring of 83 and was great!  He played several nights at the Universal Amphitheater.  I know I went to at least 3 nights.  One night...a friend of mine was able to get front row seats! (The friend was Lynn 'Tequila' Johnson...a gal I met as an extra on the set of 'Hard to Hold').;   I was in HEAVEN!!!!  I was completely sober!  That might have been the best.  The seats were closer to the stage than Red Rocks.  When he jumped down into the audience for 'Human Touch'...he was right next to me.  I helped get the girls off of him when it was time for him to get back on stage!  I had been there the night before so I knew he would jump down.  Also, one night I went with my friend Jayne and we got VERY drunk.  We tried to sneak up front as we didn't have good seats...and we got moved back.  So, I got mad...went to my car...and passed out with the windows rolled down!  Woke up and the parking lot was empty.  God knows what time it was...but, there I was with the windows down asleep in my car!  And my friend had hitch-hiked home!  We were both VERY lucky to be alive.  A crazy night and my first time drinking inhibited me enjoying the concert.  I had just turned 21.

* 1983...my friend Jayne tells me her handyman is also Rick's!  So, she knows his address.  I find his house in Toluca Lake, California!  I see his Ford Fiesta out front!  I drive by all the time. 

* April ?, 1984.   'Hard to Hold'  is released to very poor reviews. I took the day off to see the first showing at a theater in Hollywood.  I didn't like it very much.  You could not see me in the audience.

* July 7, 1984, Valley Spring Lane, Toluca Lake, California. I moved closer to him in Toluca Lake.  I always jogged past his house.  This morning...he jogged right past me a block from his house!  I'll blog about this too.  I moved after a month because I found something even closer to his house!!!

4. October ?, 1984, LA Forum.  This was after the release of his movie 'Hard to Hold'.  He was able to play the Forum and fill it!  Corey Hart (Sunglasses at Night) opened.  I went with my friend that I met on 'Hard to Hold'...Eric Johnson (Lynn's brother).  I remember I flew back from Denver that day after a visit to get to this concert.  I prayed the plane would not be late (or crash!).  I don't remember this concert very much...but, not because I was drinking.  This friend and I did not drink.  We were on the floor in the middle...quite a ways back...probably 20 rows back. 

Feb 14th, 1985, Toluca Lake...jogged by his house that morning...there was a for sale sign on the house!  NOOOOO..... it was a horrible day.  He was moving.  My friend and I went to the open house...acted like we were big wigs!  I got to see where he lived and ate and rehearsed!  His rehearsal room was above the garage.  There was an old drum box in there...I took it!  I still have it somewhere. There were murals on the walls of him and his dog...Ron...the working class dog.  I didn't take pics because in those days our cameras were big and I was afraid the realtor would notice!  Toluca Lake is beautiful!!!

* April ? , 1985.  He released the album 'Tao'.  I loved it.  I was joining the group 'Continental Singers' that May.  I drove from LA to Denver with my dad and had a tape recorder playing this over and over (poor Dad!).  It was and is one of my favorite albums.  I went on the tour with Continentals from May to August.  Rick toured for this album that summer.  Because I was on this singing tour...I didn't get to go. I was so upset that I couldn't go.  I almost wanted to leave the group to go!!  I regret missing that concert to this day!

*He disappeared from the scene for awhile.  I since learned he married his longtime girlfriend Barbara Jean Porter (he met her when she was a receptionist at his record company in 1980.  I was just a little late...I was a receptionist at a law firm out there...could've been me!?!!!) :).  They had two sons, Liam and Joshua.

*1987 he resurfaced and released his album 'Rock of Life' but didn't tour. 

* February ?, 1987, Hollywood.  My friend found out they were filming the show 'Top of the Pops' ...and Rick would be on!  She knew someone who could get us in.   We got there.  Rick was there...so was Ricks Astley and some metal group that sang 'Wait'...each would be on a different small stage on the sound set.  All the girls (me too) were camped around Rick Springfield's stage!  They kept trying to get us to move...to see Rick Astley (who was pretty big then!) and the other group...but, no one would move.  I certainly wouldn't as we were in the very front.  So, finally my Rick came on...he was performing the song, 'Rock of Life'....right in front of me...but, he kept forgetting the words.  I said, "I know the words!".  Anyway...he left the state...and his drummer, Jack White, started talking to me!  My goodness...if I had flirted and played my cards right...I could've maybe gotten him??  He ended up marrying Katey Sagal of 'Married with Children'.  Shoot.  Well, I am friends with him on Facebook now!!   Rick came back out and performed...another great time with Rick!

Well...that album didn't do much.  He didn't tour again that I know of in the 80s.  I ended up in a bad relationship...and eventually moved back to Colorado in the 90s.  So, that's my stories of Rick in the 80s.  But, wait there's more...

To be continued on next blog...

Rick now...and then

I am going to see Rick  Springfield for the ____th time on Saturday night here in Denver.  I leave that blank because I have no idea how many times I've seen him.  I could try to count.  And maybe soon I'll blog about each one.  At least the ones I can remember!  You see...little Hooky Jo was quite a drinker...and some of his concerts I don't even remember due to being inebriated.  I even got a DUI after one of them...driving home from Denver to Greeley (caught one block from my house in Greeley).  Doesn't matter.  Rick and drinking somehow combined.  Didn't matter that I was too young...or that I missed my idol...I always had to drink!  Why??

So, this will be the first concert...aside from the very first on November 1st, 1981...where I'll be stone sober...as I have quit drinking...COLD TURKEY!  I do not drink now AT ALL.  Shocking maybe...but, it started to affect my health, my finances, my life.   Besides...I missed seeing...really seeing Rick Springfield!

But, this blog is not about that per se.  I wanted to write about how we change.  How he's changed.  How everything changes.

I look in the mirror and often don't like what I see.  I see my mother sometimes.  I see my dad sometimes.  I even see my Grandma!  But, I do see the aging process.  Now, when I look at old Rick and current Rick...I almost can't believe it's the same person!  Seriously.  Just looking at his pictures from the 80s...brings back a flood of memories, admiration and love for this man!  I don't know why...but, he just absolutely took me over!  Not just me of course, thousands of women adored and adore this man...I thought it was only me...but, NOOOOOOOOOO....he has quite a fan-base.

But, the now Rick...looks so different.  And I'm not sure he holds the same allure for me.  There's many reasons why.  Not only have his looks changed tremendously.  I always greatly suspected he's had work done.  I've never been able to tell exactly what.  I remember a friend and I looked at his old and new pics in 2009...and he decided he'd had a chin implant.  I think that could be.  I am now positive that he had his teeth capped...a la Hillary Duff...which totally changed her looks too!  That sweet mouth of his from the 80s...might have been what drew me to him?  Might have been the thing that really had me going!

Oh...don't get me wrong.  The sound of his voice still hasn't changed and it still sends me!  When I hear the beginning notes of Jessie's Girl...I still scream.  Literally.  Probably will til the day I die.  You know that I will always have these phenomenal memories of that song...Summer of 81...when it was the best song I'd heard (and brought me back to pop music from country!).  Anyway...his looks have indeed changed greatly.  Yes, yes, yes...age will do that.  But, I'm certain there's been work done.  And I am not one to judge.  I have had my eyes done.  It was due to my sight...but, it was definitely an eye job!  And it ruined me.  Not ruined maybe...well, I hate it.  My perfect eyes...the thing that made me so pretty...are now asymmetrical.  Different.  People say they don't see it...but, I do.   And now I can't afford...nor do I really want to keep messing with them to try to fix them back...because I fear turning into a Michael or Joan...trying for constant perfection!

Do I wish I'd never done it?  Yes.  Do I wish Rick had never done it?  YES!  How would we look now with our 'natural' aging process?  We'll now never know!  Isn't that kind of sad?  I appreciate technology and the ability to correct things that are wrong.  But, now...I will always miss my eyes.  And I will always miss Rick...then.  The true love of my life.

So, I'm excited for the concert.  But, there are some 'buts'.  Aside from his looks...I also no longer clamor for his new music.  The last album I really listened to and liked a lot was 'Shock Anger Denial Acceptance' ...2004. I also liked his cover album...'The Day After Yesterday' (which I always just called, 'Today' ha!).   Since then, he has released 3 or 4 albums?  See...I don't even know, as I didn't listen.  I did try to listen to 'Venus in Overdrive'...2008...which coincided with  his first fan cruise...that I had to go on!  I grew so tired of the incessant playing of ' What's Victoria's Secret' on the cruise which I guess was the go-to song on that album.  Well, it wasn't my favorite song...sorry to say.  VERY pop.  And the hook lyric..."Can we ever really know her name"...made no sense to me and I'd still love to ask him what the heck it's supposed to mean.  If it's about Victoria...and her secret...then, why don't we know her name?  I don't get it.  But, I digress.

I don't feel his music touches me like it used to.  There are a few good ones. But, don't get me started on his latest album...with songs like...'Little Demon' and 'Santa is an Anagram' (get it...Satan!).  Well...I'm kind of old school...a little prudish.  I am open minded...but, I don't care for all the demon, dark, dank songs...which his new album seems to have!  I saw the video for the song, 'The Voodoo House'.  Again, no thanks.  Songs about Voodoo?  Doodoo!!!! What happened to old Rick?  His albums contained songs about religion...specifically 'Beginnings' ('Speak to the Sky'),  'Comic Book Heroes' ('Father Do You Love your Children', 'Mother Can You Carry Me'),'Wait for Night' ('Celebrate Life'), 'Tao' ('The Power of Love', 'Surrender'), 'Karma' ('Send a Prayer to Heaven', 'An Act of Faith').  Well...those are just some of his past albums with songs that were truly spiritual.  What happened?   Why did he change to darker music and themes??

Well, another reason my feelings have changed a bit is because he wrote his tell-all bio in 2010...'Late, Late at Night'.  I thought I knew the man.  I always admired the fact that he married in 1984 and stayed with the wife!  They're still together...a rarity in entertainment.  BUT, this book really burst my bubble in that he was...probably still is...a serial philanderer!!!  Wow.  Why did he write this?  Some cathartic reason to be able to share all his personal foibles?  A cleansing of sorts?  He blames Mr. D...his depression.  Hmmmm...well, we all got problems.  But, to air it like this?  I was disappointed.  I always wondered how his wife would allow this to be written about...as although he goes out of his way in the book to say what a wonderful person she is...a saint.  Ya think?  Is it about the money?  OK...I hate to disparage women...because God knows I've had THE worst luck with men...talk about DUMB when it comes to men?  My picture is in the dictionary under the words DUMB WITH MEN!  But....why oh why let him write about it?  I like to think the scenario of him explaining writing this book to his wife like this..."Honey, they want me to write a bio.  I think I will write about all my affairs and sexual encounters.  Is that ok?".  Wife: "Absolutely not!  I don't want people to know how you've cheated on me all these years!".  Rick: "But, I'll get $3 million dollars for it".  Wife:  "OK...fine with me!".   Ha!  I'm not saying she stays with him only for the money.  Who wouldn't want to be Rick Springfield's wife.  Well, maybe I wouldn't if he was this philandering jerk!! 

Lastly, another book came out that he wrote...a fictional novel called "Magnificent Vibration".  OMG...sorry...I didn't get that either!  It was a tad weird.  Ok...I know it's a subjective art...but, it just wasn't my cup of tea! He got accolades for it from fans and even some critics.  But, not this fan and critic.

So, my love has waned a little.  Because he's changed...and I've changed too.  My feelings have changed.  Oh...not to mention that particularly in my drunken states at his concerts...that I've not been impressed with him.  One...he sometimes takes off his shirt.  OK...I don't like young men without shirts.  Old men without them...oy vey!  Keep your shirt on!  Second...his act is getting old.  Having kids sing 'Don't Talk to Strangers' gets very very old very very fast.  And coming into the audience for 'Human Touch'...ha!  He started that on his tour in 1983.  I even 'caught' him as I was in the front row and also helped get women off of him.  Yes, I was often his 'protector'...but, that's another story!  MY Rick.  Well, it's cute...and the audience loves it of course...but it's gotten old...when you've seen it dozens of times (see my blog about all the concerts I've been to).  And third....he does covers of other peoples' music!  Taylor Swift...'Shake It Off'?  Really?  I do not come to see him do other people's pop!  Also, 'Roar'...that Katy Perry song.  He has so many songs...hundreds...sing those!

Well, I'll look forward to a sober concert tomorrow and am hoping he changes it from the last time I 'saw' him in 2014.  (I tried to see him in 2016 but was too drunk...got cut off...so, I left!...Oy vey!).

These are my feelings.   Just my opinions.  I love him still...and always will.  Such a great, crazy influence in my life.  I don't understand the adoration myself.  Why? Well, the music.  The music and the way he looked when he performed.  I just melted.  October 24, 1981 was the day I fell in love when I saw him on 'Solid Gold'.  It will always be special.  But, like all of us...he's changed.  I've changed too.  Maybe I'm not the 19 year old that fell in love.  Maybe I'm jaded.  Or maybe my tastes have changed?   Or maybe it just is.  He is a deep thinker and terrific lyricist.   I know he has a lyric that addresses this feeling...just doesn't come to me right now.  Maybe it will.*

PS.  My favorite album of his is 'Karma'...1998...which was the year I left my husband and moved home.  It was also his 'comeback' album and he toured that summer.  I saw him then and he saw me with my shirt on from his 1981 concert...he motioned at me...20 years ago now.  Maybe it is 'Karma' that it comes to this.  My last concert of his...stone sober.  Maybe.


*Yes...the lyric came to me...from the 'Karma' album...the song 'Act of Faith'.  Great song.  And the lyrics:  "There is no purpose served in holding on.  Love is a healer.  There is no understanding why.   Love is a healer.  There is no sin in you that brought this to your door my love - it just is".  Man.  Could be my favorite lyric of all.   It just is...

Return to Colorado...Chapter one

I think my trouble started immediately upon moving back 'home' in January of 1998. I thought this was where I should be...near my parents and my sister and her two boys who I was so very fond of and wanted to be around while they played sports and grew up. But little did I know that I wasn't really 'wanted' back here. Turns out my sister really never wanted to 'share' her life at all...and certainly not with me...the pain in the butt little sister!! I don't think she ever really liked me...and was all too happy to get rid of me back in the day - when she got married and when I subsequently moved far away! I had never really been close to her in her life that much at all. We were too different and just that far enough apart in years. Plus she just did tend to always want to be alone. So the husband I left in Florida did tell me that he thought I'd be disappointed when I moved back...that I was building up a relationship with my family in my mind...and that it wasn't really 'there'. Boy, was he right! I didn't listen. Our marriage was just not going well...and yes, I thought I wanted...'needed' to be close to family! Besides he never gave me a reason to stay...(ironically one of the big songs from that year was 'Give Me One Reason' by Tracy Chapman..."give me one reason to stay here...",) - well, he never did!

So, I returned to Colorado. I stayed with my mom in Greeley. We never got along and this time was no different. Add to the fact that she was very disappointed that I didn't stay with my husband (I never told her the whole story till the day before she died...but that's another story for another chapter!)... So, I looked for work. I got a temp job at a law firm in Fort Collins. I started hanging around an old friend from a play I had done here who always liked me and wanted to have an affair. All the while professing his admiration with the old 'mixed tape' he made for me! But he was married. So although it was flattering...he told me constantly that he will never leave his wife. C'est la vie...I never had an affair! This was also the man who told me (after I inquired about a certain community job that I thought I'd be perfect for...and that he was associated with) ...that I was not 'bubbly' enough to do the job! That was a blow. I always thought I was very personable and upbeat. But now I look back and think...these were all signs that maybe this wasn't the right place for me...because it didn't start out well...and hasn't really gone well ever since...

The Grammys of 17...what jojo knows...

Just some thoughts on the 2017 Grammy Awards from an old 80s gal who can sing...

It opened with the 'it Brit' girl...Adele and her awful, insipid, uninspired dirge..."Hello". Did I ever wish I would yearn for the old "Hello" from 1984? Lionel Ritchie's song was insufferable...but, compared to this new one it seems like a happy anthem! At least Lionel's has the hope of love in his song...Adele's is so morbid I want to slit my wrists before it's over!

So...that was the start. The opening 'skit' by the new 'it' late night boy...fellow Brit James Corden was not that funny. Not sure how this guy got famous...but, he's ridden the car karaoke thing all the way to America's hearts (literally ridden!). Even had to endure a taste of it in the middle of the ceremony featuring a 'car aoke' with the most over-sung song ever..."Sweet Caroline" with none other than Neil Diamond himself. And as far as I could tell...that was the only reason poor Neil was in the audience! And of course the ever present J-Lo was there in the front seat. And she was the opening presenter. She spouted some blather about how much the artists need to speak out in today's awful world. As I told a friend...today's world is so awful isn't it? Blacks dominate the music world...gays are as out as they've ever been allowed...and women (like J-Lo) are gazillionaires...but, it's such an AWFUL time and especially in the three weeks since Trump has been in office...it's just a millions times worse! They must speak up!!!!!!

But, I digress...what do I remember next?? I guess it would be the spectacle of the Goddess Beyoncé. Yes, she's a Goddess. There's no way around it. She dresses like a Goddess. Acts like a Goddess. Performs like a Goddess. Talks about the essence of motherhood...like a Goddess. She's a Goddmamm Goddess (sorry...couldn't resist the alliteration there!).

Katy Perry...in blonde...performed a blonde song. Sorry. She's bubble gum and cutesy (or I would say ditzy) to the max. The song was fine. Dancing around in Keds...around a fence. I think the song was supposed to have some deep meaning...but, it passed me.

Oh...best new artist was Chance the Wrapper...I mean Chance the Rapper. Why didn't he thank Mars' Kit Kat bar? I mean I certainly never would have heard of him if not for that weird Kit Kat commercial where he's Chance the Wrapper in an oh-so-clever play on words. Cough, cough. I had NO clue who he was when I saw the commercial and it went completely over my head...until I googled him. Where would I be without Google?? Anyway...he's the next big thing? Break me off a piece of THAT Kit Kat bar! All I can say is he praised God a lot...so, I gotta like the dude.

Other notables...I didn't hate Carrie Underwood and Keitha Urban. Is he a man? Sorry...that 'guy' is very, very effeminate! Where was Nic? Her wife? I joke. I think he's a he. But, in today's world one never knows. I still don't like the way Carrie prances like a chicken when she dances. Anyone else notice that?

Bruno Mars. Man...I never paid much attention to him...but, he is the next big thing. And I'm not kidding. His performance was awesome. Then, when he did his tribute to the late, great Prince...it almost sadly made me think Prince was not so great! Seriously...this dude has it. But, I think he should have not done SO well emulating Prince...I mean come on. The man was a legend...don't show him up during the tribute to him???

Paris Jackson...Michael's supposed daughter was very composed and beautiful. She intro'ed someone who she made sound like the greatest thing. Then she introduces...'The Weekend'. I'm sorry. There's no way I will EVER respect an artist whose name is a time period. Really? Shall I call myself, 'Tuesday Night'???

Lady Gag Gag still fails to impress me. I've always said just because you can sing doesn't mean you should. She has a voice. A voice. Like many other voices. Not special. And she knows it. That's why she has to go to such extremes in her costumes and theatrics. It's just antics. Unimpressive. And when she teamed up with Metallica (a heavy metal iconic band to many)...there was a microphone malfunction for the Metallica lead singer. And Gag Me didn't have the wherewithal to go hand him her mic? Seemed she didn't 'want to share' the limelight? She sucks. Sorry. Just hideous.

There was a tribute to the 40th Anniversary of Saturday Night Fever...or was it a tribute to the BeeGees? If it was for the Saturday Night Fever album...then why have the song "Tragedy" included? SNF was released in November, 1977. "Tragedy" was released in 1979...didn't the Grammys producers know this? And the choice of people to do this tribute were not the greatest. Demi Lovato and Little Big Town did a decent job...but whoever that was who butchered my favorite song of all...."Night Fever" made me cringe and cry! Ruined my song! And why didn't they let Barry Gibb up on stage...at least to speak about the phenomenal album??

Now the worst of the night. Adele starts singing a tribute to the late, great George Michael...complete with full orchestra back up. She starts to sing a new rendition of one of his all time hits..."Fast Love". Say what? I was a pretty big GM fan and "Fast Love' was not even in my realm of comprehension. Maybe it was her new 'rendition'...but, the worst part was that she somehow 'f*#!ed it up! And lo and behold...told the whole world she f*#!ed it up and stopped the orchestra and pulled a Tonya Harding..."Can I please start over? I can't go on like this...Please, please let me start over...". Oh my...anyone but me remember Tonya pleading the same thing? But, back in 1994...Tonya was castigated for such a move and is now one of the world's most hated people! But, not Miss Adele...she was applauded for such 'bravery!"... What the, what the? The song was yet another dirge. Nice tribute to a man who had high spirited songs. Even his ballads were meaningful and full of life...not like the dredge she delivers.

She stole the show (in more ways than one) ... by f*#(ing it up...and by winning every major award. I started to find myself rooting for Queen B! And even Adele apologized profusely for winning the awards instead of Queen B. It could have been her adoration of her, her knowledge that she ain't that great (she aint'!)...or just good ole white guilt coming through. Anyway...it was uncomfortable...and must have been very uncomfortable for Beyoncé. Who does that? "I'm so sorry I beat you!"...then, "I'm so sorry I beat you again...but hey look at my Grammy, I ain't givin it back!!". Wow.

So...I gained respect for Be, Bruno...even a little for some new artists I'd never heard of...including Maren Morris and Lukas Graham.

That's my take on the 2017 Grammys. I still wish I'd been there.

That's all JoJo knows...