Just some thoughts on the 2017 Grammy Awards from an old 80s gal who can sing...
It opened with the 'it Brit' girl...Adele and her awful, insipid, uninspired dirge..."Hello". Did I ever wish I would yearn for the old "Hello" from 1984? Lionel Ritchie's song was insufferable...but, compared to this new one it seems like a happy anthem! At least Lionel's has the hope of love in his song...Adele's is so morbid I want to slit my wrists before it's over!
So...that was the start. The opening 'skit' by the new 'it' late night boy...fellow Brit James Corden was not that funny. Not sure how this guy got famous...but, he's ridden the car karaoke thing all the way to America's hearts (literally ridden!). Even had to endure a taste of it in the middle of the ceremony featuring a 'car aoke' with the most over-sung song ever..."Sweet Caroline" with none other than Neil Diamond himself. And as far as I could tell...that was the only reason poor Neil was in the audience! And of course the ever present J-Lo was there in the front seat. And she was the opening presenter. She spouted some blather about how much the artists need to speak out in today's awful world. As I told a friend...today's world is so awful isn't it? Blacks dominate the music world...gays are as out as they've ever been allowed...and women (like J-Lo) are gazillionaires...but, it's such an AWFUL time and especially in the three weeks since Trump has been in office...it's just a millions times worse! They must speak up!!!!!!
But, I digress...what do I remember next?? I guess it would be the spectacle of the Goddess Beyoncé. Yes, she's a Goddess. There's no way around it. She dresses like a Goddess. Acts like a Goddess. Performs like a Goddess. Talks about the essence of motherhood...like a Goddess. She's a Goddmamm Goddess (sorry...couldn't resist the alliteration there!).
Katy Perry...in blonde...performed a blonde song. Sorry. She's bubble gum and cutesy (or I would say ditzy) to the max. The song was fine. Dancing around in Keds...around a fence. I think the song was supposed to have some deep meaning...but, it passed me.
Oh...best new artist was Chance the Wrapper...I mean Chance the Rapper. Why didn't he thank Mars' Kit Kat bar? I mean I certainly never would have heard of him if not for that weird Kit Kat commercial where he's Chance the Wrapper in an oh-so-clever play on words. Cough, cough. I had NO clue who he was when I saw the commercial and it went completely over my head...until I googled him. Where would I be without Google?? Anyway...he's the next big thing? Break me off a piece of THAT Kit Kat bar! All I can say is he praised God a lot...so, I gotta like the dude.
Other notables...I didn't hate Carrie Underwood and Keitha Urban. Is he a man? Sorry...that 'guy' is very, very effeminate! Where was Nic? Her wife? I joke. I think he's a he. But, in today's world one never knows. I still don't like the way Carrie prances like a chicken when she dances. Anyone else notice that?
Bruno Mars. Man...I never paid much attention to him...but, he is the next big thing. And I'm not kidding. His performance was awesome. Then, when he did his tribute to the late, great Prince...it almost sadly made me think Prince was not so great! Seriously...this dude has it. But, I think he should have not done SO well emulating Prince...I mean come on. The man was a legend...don't show him up during the tribute to him???
Paris Jackson...Michael's supposed daughter was very composed and beautiful. She intro'ed someone who she made sound like the greatest thing. Then she introduces...'The Weekend'. I'm sorry. There's no way I will EVER respect an artist whose name is a time period. Really? Shall I call myself, 'Tuesday Night'???
Lady Gag Gag still fails to impress me. I've always said just because you can sing doesn't mean you should. She has a voice. A voice. Like many other voices. Not special. And she knows it. That's why she has to go to such extremes in her costumes and theatrics. It's just antics. Unimpressive. And when she teamed up with Metallica (a heavy metal iconic band to many)...there was a microphone malfunction for the Metallica lead singer. And Gag Me didn't have the wherewithal to go hand him her mic? Seemed she didn't 'want to share' the limelight? She sucks. Sorry. Just hideous.
There was a tribute to the 40th Anniversary of Saturday Night Fever...or was it a tribute to the BeeGees? If it was for the Saturday Night Fever album...then why have the song "Tragedy" included? SNF was released in November, 1977. "Tragedy" was released in 1979...didn't the Grammys producers know this? And the choice of people to do this tribute were not the greatest. Demi Lovato and Little Big Town did a decent job...but whoever that was who butchered my favorite song of all...."Night Fever" made me cringe and cry! Ruined my song! And why didn't they let Barry Gibb up on stage...at least to speak about the phenomenal album??
Now the worst of the night. Adele starts singing a tribute to the late, great George Michael...complete with full orchestra back up. She starts to sing a new rendition of one of his all time hits..."Fast Love". Say what? I was a pretty big GM fan and "Fast Love' was not even in my realm of comprehension. Maybe it was her new 'rendition'...but, the worst part was that she somehow 'f*#!ed it up! And lo and behold...told the whole world she f*#!ed it up and stopped the orchestra and pulled a Tonya Harding..."Can I please start over? I can't go on like this...Please, please let me start over...". Oh my...anyone but me remember Tonya pleading the same thing? But, back in 1994...Tonya was castigated for such a move and is now one of the world's most hated people! But, not Miss Adele...she was applauded for such 'bravery!"... What the, what the? The song was yet another dirge. Nice tribute to a man who had high spirited songs. Even his ballads were meaningful and full of life...not like the dredge she delivers.
She stole the show (in more ways than one) ... by f*#(ing it up...and by winning every major award. I started to find myself rooting for Queen B! And even Adele apologized profusely for winning the awards instead of Queen B. It could have been her adoration of her, her knowledge that she ain't that great (she aint'!)...or just good ole white guilt coming through. Anyway...it was uncomfortable...and must have been very uncomfortable for Beyoncé. Who does that? "I'm so sorry I beat you!"...then, "I'm so sorry I beat you again...but hey look at my Grammy, I ain't givin it back!!". Wow.
So...I gained respect for Be, Bruno...even a little for some new artists I'd never heard of...including Maren Morris and Lukas Graham.
That's my take on the 2017 Grammys. I still wish I'd been there.
That's all JoJo knows...
