I think my trouble started immediately upon moving back 'home' in January of 1998. I thought this was where I should be...near my parents and my sister and her two boys who I was so very fond of and wanted to be around while they played sports and grew up. But little did I know that I wasn't really 'wanted' back here. Turns out my sister really never wanted to 'share' her life at all...and certainly not with me...the pain in the butt little sister!! I don't think she ever really liked me...and was all too happy to get rid of me back in the day - when she got married and when I subsequently moved far away! I had never really been close to her in her life that much at all. We were too different and just that far enough apart in years. Plus she just did tend to always want to be alone. So the husband I left in Florida did tell me that he thought I'd be disappointed when I moved back...that I was building up a relationship with my family in my mind...and that it wasn't really 'there'. Boy, was he right! I didn't listen. Our marriage was just not going well...and yes, I thought I wanted...'needed' to be close to family! Besides he never gave me a reason to stay...(ironically one of the big songs from that year was 'Give Me One Reason' by Tracy Chapman..."give me one reason to stay here...",) - well, he never did!
So, I returned to Colorado. I stayed with my mom in Greeley. We never got along and this time was no different. Add to the fact that she was very disappointed that I didn't stay with my husband (I never told her the whole story till the day before she died...but that's another story for another chapter!)... So, I looked for work. I got a temp job at a law firm in Fort Collins. I started hanging around an old friend from a play I had done here who always liked me and wanted to have an affair. All the while professing his admiration with the old 'mixed tape' he made for me! But he was married. So although it was flattering...he told me constantly that he will never leave his wife. C'est la vie...I never had an affair! This was also the man who told me (after I inquired about a certain community job that I thought I'd be perfect for...and that he was associated with) ...that I was not 'bubbly' enough to do the job! That was a blow. I always thought I was very personable and upbeat. But now I look back and think...these were all signs that maybe this wasn't the right place for me...because it didn't start out well...and hasn't really gone well ever since...
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